Everyone is familiar with this ceremony. We've all seen it in person at court, in the movies and on TV. We're expected to tell the truth under perjury of the court when we testify in a case. Why aren't we expected to keep to the truth in our everyday life?
Sure, if we are caught lying to the court we'll be punished, maybe thrown in jail. We are swearing before God and our peers to tell the truth. I've never seen the wrath of God strike anyone down in the Supreme Court - or any other court for that matter. No plague has ever swept through Congress, the Senate or the White House after anyone has been sworn into office. Not that they are sworn to tell the truth, that might be a bit much to expect from your average politician.
We, as human beings, are not sworn into our lives. When we're born, no one tells us to affirm that we will tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Can you imagine? A baby sitting on the book of our family's faith, so help me my deity? It's unheard of.
In a way, this has happened if you happen to be religious. Babies are baptized. Kids and teens are confirmed into the church. Practically every religion has a ritual for its members to pass into adulthood. This passage commits you to your faith, to live your life in wholeness and truth...
Throughout our lives we are searching for the truth within ourselves. Why is it that people choose not to stick to the truth in their own life?
Everyone has told a white lie. A half truth. Why? So as not to hurt peoples' feelings. Anyone will probably tell you that this is the best kind of lie to tell. It doesn't do any harm and it spares the pain as long as it's done in the right situation. Right?
We've all seen it. Tell Grandma the person you live with is your friend instead of admitting you're shacking up. Introduce people to your best friend instead of coming out of the closet. Tell the kids it's Chicken Parmesan instead of eggplant.
Add a little tint to the white lie with your rose-colored glasses when you need to get through life's little trials. My husband is famous for this. I can understand, though. Sometimes its easier to add sunshine and rainbows to life than face the storm clouds and tornadoes.
These are the forgivable ones, but the truth of the matter is that a white lie, with or without shades, is still a lie. It's all in the name. At least when a white lie is told, the truth doesn't hurt anyone when it comes out. Granny might let you in on a little secret that she might not have been so virtuous when she was young. People might be more accepting of your lifestyle than you think. The kids might find a seed from the eggplant and tell Mom there's a slug in their chicken... Yep, that one really happened. I lived to forgive her for it, but stayed away from chicken parm and eggplant for awhile.
When I was growing up, I wasn't necessarily the best of children. I was a happy child and for the most part, well-behaved. Growing up in a small town will do that to you. Everyone know everyone else and things get back to your parents, especially when said parents are well-known to the community and church. It's not like I didn't try. I had friends over when I wasn't supposed to. I would skip my homework and say it was done. Typical kid stuff. When I got caught (not if - when), I'd get a spanking and had to sit at the end of the hall. The only person that really got hurt was me. Right?
As I got into my teens and early 20's, it continued. I might go to see my girlfriend and say I went to my best friend's house. I'd make up some excuse to use the car, just to get out of the house. I'd stay out until the wee hours of the morning and say I got home earlier. I would get drunk and say I was stone cold sober. You get the picture. I was only hurting myself.
In my early and mid-20's, work got involved. The biggest one was leaving work "sick" to spend a beautiful summer day drinking, water skiing and hanging out with a small group of work colleagues. I'm still not sure who was left to run my department. I took a couple extended lunches to have a couple drinks, only to lie about what kept me out so long (and that I was sober, for that matter). At bars I would tell people I was broke, just to have someone by me a drink. I would tell people what they wanted to hear, just to get lucky. I would lie to myself just to convince myself it was OK. After all, it was only me I was hurting.
It all really came back to bite me when I started dating my pathological liar.
If you aren't familiar with a pathological liar or mythomaniac, let me enlighten you. Don't get involved. Period. This person has been lying for so long that they often can't discern their myth from the truth. Many times, they may be convinced that they are telling the truth - even in the face of reality.
I've mentioned him before, but I'll give you a rundown:
- He told people I was the straight roommate so he could date around.
- He stole from various jobs and denied it when the evidence was presented by me and/or the employers.
- Checks were written off of my bank account. This was denied in the face of pictures taken by bank cameras, copies of the checks with his handwriting and the fact that "I" signed the three checks spelling my own name incorrectly three different ways.
- He had an aunt that lived in Florida - I don't know for sure if this was fact or not. She died several times to get him out of tight situations.
- There was a drug-filled hotel slumber party paid for with a credit card stolen from one of his bosses. When I returned the room phone (yes, the hotel room phone with the hotel name plaque on the front - did I mentioned he was a klepto?) and saw the camera picture of him and his friend for the night, he denied it.
- He befriended a nice couple that owned a store with an apartment to rent above it. These poor guys not only rented him the room and didn't get paid, but got another funeral story (alas, his poor aunt, again) and gave him money for a flight to Florida for the funeral. That was used to go to Chicago to avoid getting arrested.
Confronted by these lies, I learned my lesson. Loud and clear. I was hurting plenty of others when I didn't tell the truth. I was never the only one affected. It took years to fully regain my parents' trust in me. They loved me, no matter what. That was never an issue. There was a particular phrase that went unspoken: "I love you, but I don't like you right now." That phrase is present at one time or another in a lot of loving relationships.
Friends on the other hand react differently. A true friend will forgive a lie or two. It won't last forever. People can only take so much. Lovers and spouses will endure a little longer, but in the end will get smart and leave. There's always a possibility they will lie to themselves just to believe things are alright. Those may be in more danger than they let on to others, maybe being abused or captive to a bad relationship. A relationship built on lies is never healthy.
I consider myself lucky. I was able to realize the truth about truth. It can be both a weapon and a ploughshare. Truth will nurture a relationship as easily as it can destroy a life. It makes me curious as to why more people don't resort to the truth.
I believe in the power of truth. I very rarely find the need to use a white lie, to the point that I get upset when I'm included in one though I know it might be necessary.
Understand the difference between a partial truth and a half truth. The other part of a half truth is still a lie. A partial truth provides only the necessary information someone needs to know.
Not many people have been allowed to see the inner workings of my mind in the last 10-12 years. Those lucky few realize what telling truths means to me. Those that only think they know how I tick are horribly mistaken. I'm not looking to live in a fairytale world. My world is a savage garden of beauty and darkness. I will gladly share it with you. If you choose not to see me as I am, then look into your own heart and ask, "Why can't I handle the truth?"
The truth is.......this is a great read!
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